What hurts the most
by bluesraine
Summary: After 1.9, and having a nightmare, Maura needs Jane and goes for a late night visit. OneShot


What hurts the most...

Disclaimer: They are not mine, but I wish they were, and if they were, the following would happen...  
Summary: After 1.9, Maura comes to Jane.  
One Shot.

_ It is dark around me, and cold. I can not move, my hands are fixed with something maybe tape? I try to get up, but the ground is shaking and I fall back to my knees. Then, the shaking stops. I realize I am in a car. It is so dark; I don't know where I am. And I remember reading about this person, this killer that is related to me. In fact, he is the reason of my existence. When the doors swing open the light blinds me. I close my eyes, and when I open them again I look into a guy. My heart almost stops beating. "Don't shoot me." I plead. But the guy comes closer and closer, and pulls me up. My hands, still attached to something in the car, hurt and the pain almost makes me scream._

_ Then, they pull me out of the car. "Want to see how Daddy is working, sweetheart?" They pull me into a dark tunnel, which leads to a huge room. I hear people talking. I hear punches. When we arrive, I see a guy on a chair. He is bleeding. "What are you doing?" I ask, but I just get kicked forward. I fall on my knees and stretch out my hands to keep my face from hitting the ground. I see guns. They want to kill me. My heart is racing, and all I can think of is Jane. Where is she? They point their guns at the man on the chair. He looks at me, his eyes full of hate. Then they shoot. His head bounces back, blood throws like a fountain. And I scream, and scream..._

I sit in my bed, screaming. After a moment I realize it was just a dream. My clothes are all wet from sweat; my cheeks are wet from tears. My heart is racing. I try to breathe normal, but it takes a while till my hands stop shaking. I look around. It's dark outside, and I can hear rain. I can't lie down again; the dream is still haunting me. So I swing my legs off the bed and I wait for a moment until I am sure they can carry me.

I hear a sound and I quickly look at the door. It sounds like somebody is there. I grab my phone and the pullover that's lying on the chair. Carefully, I open the door, and follow the sound. When I reach my door, I hear my next door neighbours arguing. It's just my fighting neighbours. Nobody is coming after me.

I look at the pullover in my hand. It's Jane's, she must have forgotten it. I pull it over my head and can instantly smell her. It makes me feel better right away. I know I won't be able to go back to sleep. I spot my wall clock, and see it's only a few minutes after midnight. I put shoes on and get a bottle of wine.

A few minutes later I drive into the parking lot at Jane's house. There is still light inside; she must be watching TV. I softly knock the door, and hear her getting up. She opens, and looks surprised to find me.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

I shrug. "Are you busy?"

"No, no come on in."

Her voice is harsh; I can tell she is still angry I didn't let her come home with me. I follow her to the couch where she plops down again. I see some beer and chips, and a movie playing on TV. We watch in silence for a while.

"Jane" I whisper when I can't take it any more. "I'm sorry. I needed to I don t know; I felt like a hot shower and my bed. I didn't mean to..." I can't help it, my voice is breaking. I look down. Today has been horrible, yesterday has been horrible. And when I start shaking, I get up. I walk to the kitchen, open the fridge, and close it again. All the things are rushing through my mind, I can't think straight. I am so confused, and being emotional isn't helping. That's not me, I don't cry easily.

I get a glass and some milk, and try to fill it, but my hand is shaking. Jane, who followed me, reaches out and gently takes the milk from my hand. Then she turns me around. "Maura, it's okay."

Now I can not hold back the tears any more. She looks at me for a moment, and then she pulls me close. "Shh" she whispers. I cling to her, having an overwhelming need to feel her. She rubs circles on my back, trying to comfort me.

I allow her to hold me for a second, but then I pull back two steps. She looks hurt, confused and my heart is breaking.

"Maura."

I shake my head. "I shouldn't have come. I'm ruining your evening."

I need to get out of here. I need to leave. I feel panic rising in my chest. I spot the door. It's just a few steps, and I will be out. It will be okay. She will forgive me. When I pass her she grabs my arm.

I freeze.

She looks down at her hand holding my right arm, and so do I. Slowly, she looks up, finds my eyes and holds my look. "Why did you come here?"

_Because I need you._ "Because I need you." Did I just say that? I only thought it, didn't I?

Jane let go my arm only to take my hand. Just her touch is enough to make me shiver. She laces her fingers through mine for a second, then it is her time to pull back. She leans into the doorframe, studies the wood. "I freaked out today, when you disappeared. I thought I lost you."

"I had a dream earlier" I whisper. "I was with them; I saw them shooting that guy. And I wished you were there, to help me, to be with me." I look at her. "Jane, I don't know... we are close. We are friends. But... but I... I..." How hard can it be? "God damn it" I spill.

Her head shoots up, and she is staring at me. "Did you just swear?"

I run my hand over my face. What is wrong with me? I am good with words, and now I am not.

"We are so close" I start again. "I was scared. I wanted to be strong, and I knew if you would have come with me, I would break down and cry. Cause you're there. You know me, and you know my soul. I can't lie to you. I need you. You are in my dreams, Jane, that's more than I mean in a positive way, I don't dream about people in positive ways. I meditate before I go to sleep, so I come clean with my thoughts and don't have nightmares, but in this, the only positive thought was... you. I need you. I don't want this, but I need you. And it hurts me, it hurts me to need you so much, knowing that one day you will meet somebody and he will be the most important person- and I will be happy for you- but letting you walk away, to somebody else and knowing he will be the centre of your universe then... that's what hurts the most. I can't help it, I'm sorry; I'm normally not that egoistic but..."

I'm probably rambling when she closes the distance between us. When she is only inches away I realize how close she is and finally stop talking. She is hesitating- a second, maybe two. Then she leans forward, rubs her lips over mine so softly I am not sure she really touched me. And as quickly as she came close she steps back, looking at me.

"Jane..."

"I'm sorry" she says.

Slowly I walk over to her. "Are you?" I look up.

I just want to feel her again. We are so close that I can see the little grey dots in her beautiful brown eyes. "Are you really sorry?" I ask again.

Jane stares at me for a long moment. She bends forward, furiously pressing her lips on mine while slipping her arm around my waist. We crash into the door frame, our bodies pressed together. She kisses me hungrily, discovering my mouth with hers. I loop my arms around her neck. Her hand draws me closer, our bodies met again.

Suddenly she pulls back, leaving me out of breath. My lips are swollen and I can still taste her. I can't help but smile, and she smiles back. Nervous, she runs her hand through her hair. "This is... wow."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"That's the very last thing I want to do right now" she says, her voice rough.

Butterflies start dancing in my stomach, and my heart is racing. Slowly, I cup her face with my hands and lean in for another kiss. I cover her lips with mine, letting my tongue run along her bottom lip. She moans. Her tongue finds the way back into my mouth, and she pins me to the wall again. I press my body to hers, needing to feel more of her. My hands wander along her sides, and when I reach the end of her shirt, I allow them to slip under the fabric. She slightly bites my lip when I softly scratch her back.

"I want to feel you" I whisper into her ear.

She kisses along my jaw line.

"Please."

Now she looks up grinning. She pulls my shirt over my head and throws it away. Hungrily, her mouth wanders over my shoulders, and my upper body, down to the hills of my breast. I throw the head into my neck. We can not stop ourselves any more; we need more, and more. Everything.

I feel her pulling at my bra, and then her mouth is covering my nipple. She sucks it carefully, massaging the other breast with her hand. I yelp when her mouth leaves me and cold air hits the hot skin. "Come on", she takes my hand. She leads me to the bedroom, shuts off the lamps and TV on our way in. In her bedroom, her mouth finds mine again. It's my turn to take her shirt off. I nestle on the bottom of her jeans, with a little teamwork we manage to get it open and get her out of it.

Her skin feels wonderful soft under my fingertips. She shivers when I start to discover her body. Our mouths join each other again, while our hands can not stop touching the other s body. I feel her hand under my pyjama pants, firmly cupping my bottom. Then, a finger slips into my panties. She doesn't hesitate and finds me wet and ready. She grins into another kiss, circles my wet skin with her finger, only to make me even more hot. I let out a deep groan. When I press my body closer she stumbles. We fall back onto the bed, laughing.

Quickly, I free myself from the pyjama and panties, and roll back into her arms again. Her finger finds its way back into my wetness, and touches my most sensitive spot. She almost makes me come with just one touch. I let my hand slide down to arouse her too. She is swollen and ready. Her skin is so soft; her body bends into my touch.

Jane opens her eyes when she slips a finger inside me. I do the same. She feels wonderful, and I start rubbing my thumb over her softest spot. She moans, and clenches around my finger. I speed up my movements, and her orgasm hits her a few seconds later. She shakes, digs her free hand into my arm and bites my bottom lip. She starts rubbing me, and I instantly come around her, too.

We lay there for a while, both out of breathe. Jane reaches out for the blanket and pulls it over our heated bodies. Her arms rest on my waist. While my heart starts beating in its normal rhythm, I look up.

I can't help but smile. "Jane" I whisper.

She kisses me. "Earlier, when you said you need me so do I. I need you. I was out of my mind when you disappeared. I thought I lost you. I couldn't think clear. I cannot lose you, I need you." She moves a strand of hair behind my ear. "Everything you said you feel about me... I feel the same way. This is new to me, I never... until today, even kissed a girl."

I giggle. "Nor did I. I think we did a good job so far."

"God yes we did."

I snuggle to her shoulder, and close my eyes. She kisses my forehead and covers us with a blanket. "Sleep", she whispers, "and dream of me again." And I smile, and know I will.

_End._

Comments are love :)


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